Artificial Idiot
03-09-2004, 06:43 PM
It was a bright sunny day. But then, it was always a bright sunny day in Spaim. If you believed the royal propaganda, the clouds never settled over glorious Spamyard. As dawn embraced the Country, home of traditional religion and modern day science, the land seemed to explode in light. The gentle waves glistened as ships most sailors only dreamed about bobbed in the ocean, the white-washed halls of the Bump shone as the chants of monk's and priests started to rise into the sky and the lens of the telescope atop the newly built tower of science was mis-angled once again, costing another poor bastard his home. But as Lady Wesforcia watched the day unfold from her window in a tower atop the Royal Palace, her heart certainly hadn't felt dawn's touch on it yet. In fact, it had been clouded over for weeks now. Ever since she had heard the news. She sighed, brushing her long blue hair. She was quite proud of it, even though her father had insisted she dye it. He said it made her a freak of nature! It was an unholy mutation, and he had made her dye it for most of her childhood. But no more! She'd convinced that fool C.K.W that it was not a curse, but a blessing. And dying it was an insult to the God's. After he'd threatened to "SMASH THIER FACE!" the first couple of times, the message soon sank in. There was a knock on the door.
"Hold on, I'm not decent." That was a lie. She'd been up and ready for hours, but it made the servants embarrassed. She made a few shuffling noises to reenforce this. "Come in."
"My dear lady!" Said C.K.W, that blank, somewhat dopey look on his face as always. "It is time to go."
"Fine." She sighed, picking up a small, leather bag. "Be a dear and get the rest of my bags."
The foolish holy man nodded, taking every single bag into his arms. She was sure he'd jump off a cliff if she asked him too. She'd try it, if she wasn't sure there was some unforeseen consequence to that action. She stepped out of her room, the finely crafted Oak door brushing against her as she did. From now on it would be a walk she had taken so many times, yet until today, she had taken it all for granted. She seemed to float down the corridor, ancestors from her past watching her as she made her way down the fine red carpet. Such great leaders hung on this walls, and yet they were being insulted by having a badly painted likeness barely hung on a wall. Wesforcia had only authorised one likeness of herself to be produced, and that was the figure head of a ship. Even after death, she would not be bound to the palace walls forever! She'd be free, drifting across the seas forever.
She glided down the spiral stairway, C.K.W stumbling after her. Each step draped in the fine carpeting that ran throughout the house and the banisters plated in pure gold. Each step drawing her closer to a life of captivity. She eventually reached the bottom, much to her surprise and disappointment , C.K.W hadn't tripped and fell along the way. Mother and Father were away, so they did not wait to see her off at the bottom. Instead, the servants had formed two lines at the bottom of the stairs. While she knew it was in good will, it felt even more constricting. As if it was to stop her from running away at the last second. She shook hands with them all, all of them wishing her a safe trip and a happy marriage. Then she headed for the door.
"Gritings meh lass" Said a grizzled old sailor who had just approached her. He could have been a pirate on first inspection, having an eye patch, an almost bald scalp, a short grey beard and what could have been a peg leg. "Name's Wreckin' Krew, ah'm yer Quarter Master fer this trip."
He winked at her, Wesforcia smiled.
"It is always pleasant to be in the hands of an experienced man of the sea." Her tone was less the decent. She liked her petty flirting, and it was always worth seeing C.K.W break his unemotional expression and go bright red.
"Well, if yer all packed an' ready lass, lemme escort yer on board." Wrecking Crew limped into the gold plated carriage that had been set aside for Wesforcia's use. It was pulled by four pure white stallions, each had finely decorated straps and ribbons, all were blue. Wesforcia's official colour. She walked over to the coach, a man with shocking pink hair grinned at her. He was wearing the blue suit of a driver, but he had an edginess about him, as if he couldn't wait to get going. Great, she thought to herself, a speed freak.
"Good Morning Milady." He said. "Name's Landry, I'll get you where you want to go in a jiffy."
"I bet you will." He had a slight feminine look about him, but he was still quite charming. And besides, it was all the rage among young boys to take a certain pride in their looks. Afterall, not every man had to be some burly, beer guzzling sailor for the docks. In fact, If she ever got back to Spaim, she'd have to track him down.
Landry gave her another reassuring grin, and with that she stepped aboard the coach, sitting next to the old sea-dog. She glanced at C.K.W. She supposed she had to take him along.
"Go put my bags into the coach, sit up front with the driver." He obeyed, he always did. She smiled at Wrecking Crew. "Let's get going then."
She slammed the door shut. And with a word from Landry, the four horses were off like a greasy haggis down a drainpipe.
* * *
The docks of Spaim are the largest and most immaculate in the whole world. The ships that rest along the seemingly never ending coast line are many and varied. Great fleets rest calmly on the ocean, 30 cannons per a ship on the largest. Ready to go to war whenever called for. Finely decorated ships with white paint (to catch the sunlight and make them look enough more glorious then they are) and gold plating bobbed proudly above the common fishing boats like a King over his subjects.
Meanwhile, on land, it was a typical day for the dock workers. There were some loading unmarked crates onto ships, rats crawling up the ropes that tied them to the docks, hoping to last the long ride to wherever the cargo ship was dropping it's load. Fish mongers unloaded the mornings catch, ready to sell it on in market places. And of course, there were the great shipyards from which Spaim got it's nickname. These giant workshops, jammed full of the most experienced craftsmen from around the world were the envy of every nation. They produced the finest ships every to be seen, anywhere. And while the smell of sweat, fish and the sea assulted your nostrils, the sounds of hammers and yelling from the many shipyards fills your ears. However, it wasn't just work that was going on in the docks. People were preparing for long journeys abroad, and had their relatives waving them off. Wives of sailors and their children stood by, kissing their husbands and fathers farewell. It was a typical day for the working class, until the coach arrived.
It bared the Coat of Arms of the Royal family. Everybody stopped, and stared. Royalty of Spaim led a fairly sheltered life, making public appearances on Holy Days only. Of course, every self respecting noble had a portrait of the King of Spaim on one of his rules, usually right next to the Bump. The two great powers of Spamyard. But the King himself was rarely seen now a days, not even on afore mentioned Holy Days. It wasn't long before people started to crowd around the coach. Hoping to get a glace, or perhaps brush the clothing or maybe, just maybe in their wildest dreams touch their skin. Royalty in Spaim were like Immortals.
Luckily for them, Wesforcia was feeling somewhat sympathetic towards her people today. As the tide of faces crowded around her coach, she suddenly realised who much of her life she had wasted. She had been strongly urged not to make public appearances by her family, they wanted to keep the aura of mystery around the family. Keep their God like status. But looking into these people's eyes, Wesforcia felt a warm feeling inside her. Knowing she could make some people happy in the process. This feeling was completely ruined by a voice she knew and loathed.
"GET BACK YOU PUNKS! OR I SMASH YOUR FACE!" Ranted C.K.W, in one of his usual mood swings. He had his sabre drawn, and was swinging it madly at anybody who approached. This had got to stop.
Wesforcia pushed the coach door open as hard as she could. Chips of gold paint flew into the air as the door impacted with the rest of the coach. She stormed over to C.K.W, grabbing the fool on the shoulder. She said nothing, shoving him back towards the coach and placing him in the seat she had once taken.
"You can "protect me" just fine from here." She said sourly, slamming the door before the man could reply. She saw Wrecking Crew head out into the docks, obviously going to make the preparations for the trip. Landry smiled at her, giving her a wink from his position as the driver of the coach.
She walked elegantly into the crowd of people, shaking people's hands, watching a faint hearted dock worker swoon over as she talked to him and generally being friendly. Friendly! With the subjects, it was something she'd never imagined. In the short term, it made her heart flutter. It was the best thing she had ever experienced! But in the long term, when she was sitting on a throne in France, she knew it would make her all the more bitter. But for now, she stood and enjoyed herself. Laughing at some lad he preformed what he called his "funny dance". It was a shame it all had to end soon.
* * *
And end it did. She found herself sitting on the bed of a room inside one of the more regal looking ships in the docks. She had said her farewell to her driver, who was now speeding off at well above the speed limit. But then, he was a very young boy in a very fast vehicle. She supposed the phrase "Boys and the toys" was appropriate. And after all, a four horse powered coach was every young man's dream, even if they aren't usually gold. She smiled. If he'd have stuck around, she could have probably fulfilled some other dreams as well. But alas, it was off to France with her. And for what? Simple politics.
You see, it all came down to this. France and Spaim had a steady friendship, trade was better in France then it was in the rest of the world. However, these ties were slipping. The new king of France was, as her Father put it, an arrogant, money grubbing bastard. Relations were getting a bit touchy at best, and perhaps blood thirsty at most. And so it was that the King of Spaim and France struck a bargain. Their children were to be married, and all feuds forgotten. Now, this made no sense to Wesforcia. What would it matter to trade if she got hitched to some ugly toad spawn?
But it was out of her hands now. And she was off to France to live a life in a cage for reasons she did not understand. But at least it would be a nice trip. Wrecking Crew had taken her for a tour around the vessel. And she had to say, she was impressed. On the higher levels of the ship, it was the run of the mill "High luxury, low practicality". It was boring, all the same. Right down to the beady eyed portrait of Great Uncle Alberto. It was the lower workings of the ships that had impressed her. Full of men, real working men. Not just some air-headed noble sitting on his throne acting like a giant among ants. No, these were real, and on the most part, friendly people.
She was about to lay down and think the rest of the day away, when she heard a soft knock on her door.
"Come in." She said casually. It was probably one of the servants bringing her more food, drink or good wishes she didn't want. But she was quite surprised when the balding head of Wrecking Crew appeared.
"Good Morrow, 'ow's me lass then?" He asked as he let himself in the room. Peg leg thumping against the floor.
"So-so." Wesforcia sighed. "The trip is wonderful, I cannot fault such a fine vessel or crew. But the destination bothers me."
"Well, ah was jus' droppin' by, so ah can't stop. But whenever yer wanna talk, Old man Wreck is here." He wished her farewell and left her to carry on thinking.
* * *
And talk they did, it was now a fortnight into the trip, and the prospect of France loomed heavily on Wesforcia's heart. Wrecking Crew had been a great comfort to her during the trip, for the first time in her life she felt she had somebody she could trust. Somebody who could share her woes and sorrow, not to mention the good times. And good times they had had! But now, it was midnight, and Wesforcia was tucked in her bed, sleeping peacefully. Or at least that is what it looked like. But in her mind played dire dreams. And it wasn't long before she was sat bolt upright, sweat running down her face. She let off a gasp before two words crossed her lips.
"Wrecking Crew."
She slipped out of bed, literally throwing a light blue dressing gown over her body. She then made her way to the door and slipped out as quietly as possible. She made her war barefoot over the rich carpet of the upper deck., the endless line or portraits took on a spooky, even somewhat sinister look to them in the dim moonlight. She made her way to a simple oak door with Iron hinges. She pulled it open, luckily for her it had been oiled recently. She then made her way down the staircase to the lower deck. The sudden change in floor temperature made her feet cold.
But still she walked, passed the kitchen, passed the workers "mess" and into the crew's chambers. As soon as she entered the confined space, the smell of sweat, blood and things she didn't even want to name almost knocker her off her feet. This was where the crew slept, each had a hammock to himself, the Hammocks were on three levels. If you were on the top level and fell out, well, that's three people in trouble. Wrecking Crew's chamber was beyond this sprawling sea of half naked figures (there were one or two fully naked ones, but Wesforcia tried not to dwell on those too long), and that meant creeping over there and trying to to wake anybody. As no doubt, whoever she woke up would get the wrong idea and wolf whistle the ship down. Or worse.
She took a deep breath, then tip toed across the room. She was doing well, until she felt something brush against her side. Her heart stopped. She stood paralysed for a few seconds, awaiting either the drunken cry of "HEY SEXY" *hic*, or the completely unsubtle whisper of a man who had found his reward for a days work. But when never happened, she relaxed with a sigh. Knowing it wasn't far to her destination, and having a boosted confidence, she walked swiftly up to the door of Wrecking Crew' chambers, opening the door and disappearing into the room.
Satisfied with what he had seen, C.K.W slithered out of one of the sailor's hammocks he had "borrowed". He walked off into the night triumphantly. He'd got exactly what he had came for.
* * *
It was late next morning before Wesforcia stirred. She lazily opened one eye as she swung gently in Wrecking Crew's hammock, which he had kindly let her borrow for the rest of the night. She was not sure why, but the old man's presence had been a great comfort to her. And as she fully opened her eyes, she wasn't surprised to see him gone. He was probably out working hard with the rest of the men. No matter, it was time for her to have an of so eventful day of doing absolutely nothing. Being a noble was such a bore at times. She almost fell out of the hammock, completely unused to such a common way of sleeping. After picking herself up off the floor, she took one of Wrecking Crew's old jackets, draping it loosely over her shoulders. After checking herself over in the broken mirror by Wreck's hammock, she walked out the door. Or she would have, if two large Spaimish royal guards weren't blocking her way.
"Step aside, that is an order." She demanded, but they did not move. "What is this? Are you deaf? I order you to move aside!"
"I apologize My lady, but we have been ordered not to let you leave this room." One of the guard's replied.
"On who's authority?" She asked, but she already knew the answer.
"Master C.K.W's." The soldier replied, and as he did, Wesforcia's blood boiled.
"That bastard!" She yelled. "Get him down here, NOW!"
She stormed back into her room, slamming the door on the two guards.
* * *
Meanwhile, Lpark stood on the deck of his ship. Well, he liked to think of it as his. And as soon as he had enough money to bump off that spoilt little brat of a noble, it would be his! All his! But for now, he stood at the fool's side. Looking out over the ocean. Sterio, the noble funding this little pirating venture, was beside him. Gold plated binoculars held at his eyes. He lowered them and nodded his head.
"It would seem they are coming." Sterio said gleefully.
"Just as I thought, I knew if we waited on their course long enough, they would run right into our arms." Lpark almost gloated.
He looked over his troops. Most of them were sailors and slaves from the levels below, armed with roughly cut swords, shovels, candle sticks and whatever else was available. But there were some of his personally trained best. He went over his strategy again. The plan was to board fast and strike hard, outnumbering the Spamish forces three to one. While the deck was overrun by chaos, Sterio, Nilsog and himself would sneak down into the lower levels and locate her majesty the Lady Wesforcia. When she was captured and the Spamish ship secure, they would sail away and later send a ransom to the royal family of Spaim. It was all so simple, so well planned. He even had a plan to take down the buffoon C.K.W. Only that fool sterio could undo this now, and Lpark had to admit, even he had quite a tactical mind at times.
"May I say something to the men." Sterio asked, pulling a piece of parchment from his jacket. "It's a little rousing speech I wrote, you know to get the men going."
Lpark just nodded. He was in a good mood, and it couldn't do much damage. Sterio stepped up in front of the men, clearing his throat.
"You know as well as I that some of you may not return. And while that is not good, know that if you do not return, I'm still jolly well proud of you! That's not to say I'm not proud of you if you don't return but, erm.. ah.." He paused rustling the piece of paper. "Anyway, I have picked some words to fit this occasion, so with no more adue, I present the famous words of the chanting Monk's Duranus, Duranus."
He cleared his throat again. Lpark covered his face with a hand, he would have poked an eye out with the three inch spikes around his wrists, had it not been glass anyway. Sterio continued.
"For the first time in weeks,
To drench your skin with the enemy's rosy stain.
A chance to find a princess in the flame,
A chance we may to die, but we can,
Dance into the fire!"
Sterio took his place next to Lpark, barely able to hold his emotion. Lpark just wished the floor would swallow him and the sea drain his life. He just wanted to die, or at least throttle the noble to death. Yes, that was actually preferable. But he knew better and simply said;
"That was beautiful sir. A fine choice of words." He himself walked in front of the make shift troops. They were confused, you couldn't work with confused men. He'd have to set them straight. "Men, it is true that we may die, but think of the prize! Think of what a random like this could bring for us! I'd estimate it would at least buy each and every one of us a nice big mansion in the uncharted America's. But first, you have to show your backbone, board that ship hard and fast" Catch them off their guard! Ensure our victory, fight to the last and never give in!"
The crowd erupted in cheers and yells. It was all too perfect, soon the princess would be onboard and then the money would just roll in. Lpark once again stood next to sterio as Nilsog arrived. He nodded to the large brute, who simply grunted. Lpark allowed himself to feel smug with himself, as the Spamish ship drew closer.
"It would appear they are throwing something overboard." Said sterio, the binoculars in his hands again.
"As long as the princess is on board, they could be throwing gold bars overboard for all I care." Lpark replied sourly. Sterio just shrugged.
"Jolly good luck out there!" He said to the men, as they prepared to board.
* * *
C.K.W was also feeling quite smug with himself. That is, he would be, if he actually felt emotion. He had just seen to that slimey Quarter Master Wrecking Crew, after catching him in bed with the princess! Well, technically. They must have gone at it quickly on the floor, as when C.K.W and his full armoured battalion had entered the room, he found the silly old coot lying on a chair in a stained string vest with his trousers undone and the Lady herself in his hammock wearing only a nightgown, her dressing gown discarded on the floor like a rag. It sickened C.K.W to the very bone, or it would have, to think that his fair lady had been betraying the sacred marriage vows she was about to take with that common trash. It made C.K.W want to scream about smashing faces, and when he got the ex-quarter master to the deck, he did.
He ordered his men to bind the traitors hands and legs, then tie him to the main sail for the night. In the morning they threw him overboard. C.K.W suspected he would just sink to the bottom, but he prayed to the Lord above that the sharks would at least have a nibble. But he was gone, and after he had ordered the lady to be locked up, as much as it pained him to do so, it was for her own good.
"Sir, Sir!" Yelled one of the guards as he approached. "I have a message from the Lady Wesforcia"
"I have no time for that cheap adulteress." He said, brushing the soldier off. That was when he noticed. "It's a bit dark around here for midday is it n... HOLY SH...!"
That was when C.K.W saw it. The Octopus of Questionable Virtue, the notorious pirate ship. C.K.W staring in blank disbelief, before grabbing the nearest crewman.
"YOU BOLLOCK!" He yelled. "YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT! I SMASH YOU!"
"But s-sir, we thought it was friendly!" The young crewman shook in his boots. CKW replied by stabbing him with his sabre.
But it was too late. The pirates were already boarding, hard and fast as Lpark had instructed. The warning bells were sounded, and every soldier available (except those guarding Wesforcia) were soon on deck. But as the endless mass of people kept coming, CKW knew he'd have to work hard to win this battle. So, he shouted and epic warcry;
"SMASH THIER FACE!"
* * *
Sterio, Lpark and Nilsog boarded the ship somewhat gracefully compared to the rest of the crew. Everything so far was going to plan, chaos had taken hold of the ship and battles were raging above and below deck. And the superior numbers of the Pirates were taking sway. But there was one worm that needed to be taken care off before the task at hand could be completed.
Lpark stepped onto the deck of the Spamish galleon. He stood like a rock in the tide. Pirates still clambering past him to get on board. But then, if he was a rock, sterio was a pebble and the massive form of Nilsog was a cliff. Lpark scanned the never ending amount of faces before him. But it didn't take long to find who he was after, mainly as his target was bus ranting "I SMASH YOU BOLLCK PUNK IN THE FACE!"
Lpark took his position, took a deep breath and yelled...
"Hey look behind you! There's a sexy female dragoness in Human form behind you showing her cleavage."
As the fool turned around, Nilsog, who had pushed the two fighting factions apart like they were nothing, took his position. He slammed his giant hands into the Spamyard's ears. Lpark, who had studied him especially for this raid, knew it to be his only weak spot. And his sources were correct. The Spamyard dropped to the floor like a seagull with an iron weight in it's mouth. Lpark had it on good authority that he'd be out for hours.
Lpark, satisfied the job was done, headed towards the lower deck. A rather smug Nilsog in front, making a path for his commanding officers and a rather shaken sterio behind.
* * *
You could have said Wesforcia was blissfully ignorant to the raging battles going on outside her little room. Although, she was anything but blissful. It was bad enough that C.K.W had ordered her to be locked up, but to ignore her as well! He'd pay for this, my goodness he'd pay!
She was just about to attempt to storm out again, when she heard the sounds of fighting outside. She heard one of the guards moan softly and slump to the floor. The sickening crack she heard she could only guess was the neck of the other man. The doorknob moved around, her heart started pounding like one of those new industrial machines.
The door opened, ever so slightly. These men, as she assumed they were, had obviously come against armed guards throughout the ship and were naturally cautious.
A man dressed in black entered first, a red glass eye fixed on the princess. He was followed by a large, brutish man and a rather sickly noble, who had turned a funny shade of pale green.
"It seems we have found our prize." The man in black said. "Greetings my lady, My name is Lpark. Don't struggle and all will be fine."
He snapped at the brute, who swept her off her feet and literally threw her over his shoulder. But she was in no position to complain. She was being kidnapped, she should be terrified out of her wits. But no, this was it. This wasn't an act of imprisonment, in taking her from this ship, they were freeing her from a life of captivity in France.
Wesforcia had no idea where she was going to go next. But she realised that fate had thrown her a wild card, and things could turn out for the best after all.
"Hold on, I'm not decent." That was a lie. She'd been up and ready for hours, but it made the servants embarrassed. She made a few shuffling noises to reenforce this. "Come in."
"My dear lady!" Said C.K.W, that blank, somewhat dopey look on his face as always. "It is time to go."
"Fine." She sighed, picking up a small, leather bag. "Be a dear and get the rest of my bags."
The foolish holy man nodded, taking every single bag into his arms. She was sure he'd jump off a cliff if she asked him too. She'd try it, if she wasn't sure there was some unforeseen consequence to that action. She stepped out of her room, the finely crafted Oak door brushing against her as she did. From now on it would be a walk she had taken so many times, yet until today, she had taken it all for granted. She seemed to float down the corridor, ancestors from her past watching her as she made her way down the fine red carpet. Such great leaders hung on this walls, and yet they were being insulted by having a badly painted likeness barely hung on a wall. Wesforcia had only authorised one likeness of herself to be produced, and that was the figure head of a ship. Even after death, she would not be bound to the palace walls forever! She'd be free, drifting across the seas forever.
She glided down the spiral stairway, C.K.W stumbling after her. Each step draped in the fine carpeting that ran throughout the house and the banisters plated in pure gold. Each step drawing her closer to a life of captivity. She eventually reached the bottom, much to her surprise and disappointment , C.K.W hadn't tripped and fell along the way. Mother and Father were away, so they did not wait to see her off at the bottom. Instead, the servants had formed two lines at the bottom of the stairs. While she knew it was in good will, it felt even more constricting. As if it was to stop her from running away at the last second. She shook hands with them all, all of them wishing her a safe trip and a happy marriage. Then she headed for the door.
"Gritings meh lass" Said a grizzled old sailor who had just approached her. He could have been a pirate on first inspection, having an eye patch, an almost bald scalp, a short grey beard and what could have been a peg leg. "Name's Wreckin' Krew, ah'm yer Quarter Master fer this trip."
He winked at her, Wesforcia smiled.
"It is always pleasant to be in the hands of an experienced man of the sea." Her tone was less the decent. She liked her petty flirting, and it was always worth seeing C.K.W break his unemotional expression and go bright red.
"Well, if yer all packed an' ready lass, lemme escort yer on board." Wrecking Crew limped into the gold plated carriage that had been set aside for Wesforcia's use. It was pulled by four pure white stallions, each had finely decorated straps and ribbons, all were blue. Wesforcia's official colour. She walked over to the coach, a man with shocking pink hair grinned at her. He was wearing the blue suit of a driver, but he had an edginess about him, as if he couldn't wait to get going. Great, she thought to herself, a speed freak.
"Good Morning Milady." He said. "Name's Landry, I'll get you where you want to go in a jiffy."
"I bet you will." He had a slight feminine look about him, but he was still quite charming. And besides, it was all the rage among young boys to take a certain pride in their looks. Afterall, not every man had to be some burly, beer guzzling sailor for the docks. In fact, If she ever got back to Spaim, she'd have to track him down.
Landry gave her another reassuring grin, and with that she stepped aboard the coach, sitting next to the old sea-dog. She glanced at C.K.W. She supposed she had to take him along.
"Go put my bags into the coach, sit up front with the driver." He obeyed, he always did. She smiled at Wrecking Crew. "Let's get going then."
She slammed the door shut. And with a word from Landry, the four horses were off like a greasy haggis down a drainpipe.
* * *
The docks of Spaim are the largest and most immaculate in the whole world. The ships that rest along the seemingly never ending coast line are many and varied. Great fleets rest calmly on the ocean, 30 cannons per a ship on the largest. Ready to go to war whenever called for. Finely decorated ships with white paint (to catch the sunlight and make them look enough more glorious then they are) and gold plating bobbed proudly above the common fishing boats like a King over his subjects.
Meanwhile, on land, it was a typical day for the dock workers. There were some loading unmarked crates onto ships, rats crawling up the ropes that tied them to the docks, hoping to last the long ride to wherever the cargo ship was dropping it's load. Fish mongers unloaded the mornings catch, ready to sell it on in market places. And of course, there were the great shipyards from which Spaim got it's nickname. These giant workshops, jammed full of the most experienced craftsmen from around the world were the envy of every nation. They produced the finest ships every to be seen, anywhere. And while the smell of sweat, fish and the sea assulted your nostrils, the sounds of hammers and yelling from the many shipyards fills your ears. However, it wasn't just work that was going on in the docks. People were preparing for long journeys abroad, and had their relatives waving them off. Wives of sailors and their children stood by, kissing their husbands and fathers farewell. It was a typical day for the working class, until the coach arrived.
It bared the Coat of Arms of the Royal family. Everybody stopped, and stared. Royalty of Spaim led a fairly sheltered life, making public appearances on Holy Days only. Of course, every self respecting noble had a portrait of the King of Spaim on one of his rules, usually right next to the Bump. The two great powers of Spamyard. But the King himself was rarely seen now a days, not even on afore mentioned Holy Days. It wasn't long before people started to crowd around the coach. Hoping to get a glace, or perhaps brush the clothing or maybe, just maybe in their wildest dreams touch their skin. Royalty in Spaim were like Immortals.
Luckily for them, Wesforcia was feeling somewhat sympathetic towards her people today. As the tide of faces crowded around her coach, she suddenly realised who much of her life she had wasted. She had been strongly urged not to make public appearances by her family, they wanted to keep the aura of mystery around the family. Keep their God like status. But looking into these people's eyes, Wesforcia felt a warm feeling inside her. Knowing she could make some people happy in the process. This feeling was completely ruined by a voice she knew and loathed.
"GET BACK YOU PUNKS! OR I SMASH YOUR FACE!" Ranted C.K.W, in one of his usual mood swings. He had his sabre drawn, and was swinging it madly at anybody who approached. This had got to stop.
Wesforcia pushed the coach door open as hard as she could. Chips of gold paint flew into the air as the door impacted with the rest of the coach. She stormed over to C.K.W, grabbing the fool on the shoulder. She said nothing, shoving him back towards the coach and placing him in the seat she had once taken.
"You can "protect me" just fine from here." She said sourly, slamming the door before the man could reply. She saw Wrecking Crew head out into the docks, obviously going to make the preparations for the trip. Landry smiled at her, giving her a wink from his position as the driver of the coach.
She walked elegantly into the crowd of people, shaking people's hands, watching a faint hearted dock worker swoon over as she talked to him and generally being friendly. Friendly! With the subjects, it was something she'd never imagined. In the short term, it made her heart flutter. It was the best thing she had ever experienced! But in the long term, when she was sitting on a throne in France, she knew it would make her all the more bitter. But for now, she stood and enjoyed herself. Laughing at some lad he preformed what he called his "funny dance". It was a shame it all had to end soon.
* * *
And end it did. She found herself sitting on the bed of a room inside one of the more regal looking ships in the docks. She had said her farewell to her driver, who was now speeding off at well above the speed limit. But then, he was a very young boy in a very fast vehicle. She supposed the phrase "Boys and the toys" was appropriate. And after all, a four horse powered coach was every young man's dream, even if they aren't usually gold. She smiled. If he'd have stuck around, she could have probably fulfilled some other dreams as well. But alas, it was off to France with her. And for what? Simple politics.
You see, it all came down to this. France and Spaim had a steady friendship, trade was better in France then it was in the rest of the world. However, these ties were slipping. The new king of France was, as her Father put it, an arrogant, money grubbing bastard. Relations were getting a bit touchy at best, and perhaps blood thirsty at most. And so it was that the King of Spaim and France struck a bargain. Their children were to be married, and all feuds forgotten. Now, this made no sense to Wesforcia. What would it matter to trade if she got hitched to some ugly toad spawn?
But it was out of her hands now. And she was off to France to live a life in a cage for reasons she did not understand. But at least it would be a nice trip. Wrecking Crew had taken her for a tour around the vessel. And she had to say, she was impressed. On the higher levels of the ship, it was the run of the mill "High luxury, low practicality". It was boring, all the same. Right down to the beady eyed portrait of Great Uncle Alberto. It was the lower workings of the ships that had impressed her. Full of men, real working men. Not just some air-headed noble sitting on his throne acting like a giant among ants. No, these were real, and on the most part, friendly people.
She was about to lay down and think the rest of the day away, when she heard a soft knock on her door.
"Come in." She said casually. It was probably one of the servants bringing her more food, drink or good wishes she didn't want. But she was quite surprised when the balding head of Wrecking Crew appeared.
"Good Morrow, 'ow's me lass then?" He asked as he let himself in the room. Peg leg thumping against the floor.
"So-so." Wesforcia sighed. "The trip is wonderful, I cannot fault such a fine vessel or crew. But the destination bothers me."
"Well, ah was jus' droppin' by, so ah can't stop. But whenever yer wanna talk, Old man Wreck is here." He wished her farewell and left her to carry on thinking.
* * *
And talk they did, it was now a fortnight into the trip, and the prospect of France loomed heavily on Wesforcia's heart. Wrecking Crew had been a great comfort to her during the trip, for the first time in her life she felt she had somebody she could trust. Somebody who could share her woes and sorrow, not to mention the good times. And good times they had had! But now, it was midnight, and Wesforcia was tucked in her bed, sleeping peacefully. Or at least that is what it looked like. But in her mind played dire dreams. And it wasn't long before she was sat bolt upright, sweat running down her face. She let off a gasp before two words crossed her lips.
"Wrecking Crew."
She slipped out of bed, literally throwing a light blue dressing gown over her body. She then made her way to the door and slipped out as quietly as possible. She made her war barefoot over the rich carpet of the upper deck., the endless line or portraits took on a spooky, even somewhat sinister look to them in the dim moonlight. She made her way to a simple oak door with Iron hinges. She pulled it open, luckily for her it had been oiled recently. She then made her way down the staircase to the lower deck. The sudden change in floor temperature made her feet cold.
But still she walked, passed the kitchen, passed the workers "mess" and into the crew's chambers. As soon as she entered the confined space, the smell of sweat, blood and things she didn't even want to name almost knocker her off her feet. This was where the crew slept, each had a hammock to himself, the Hammocks were on three levels. If you were on the top level and fell out, well, that's three people in trouble. Wrecking Crew's chamber was beyond this sprawling sea of half naked figures (there were one or two fully naked ones, but Wesforcia tried not to dwell on those too long), and that meant creeping over there and trying to to wake anybody. As no doubt, whoever she woke up would get the wrong idea and wolf whistle the ship down. Or worse.
She took a deep breath, then tip toed across the room. She was doing well, until she felt something brush against her side. Her heart stopped. She stood paralysed for a few seconds, awaiting either the drunken cry of "HEY SEXY" *hic*, or the completely unsubtle whisper of a man who had found his reward for a days work. But when never happened, she relaxed with a sigh. Knowing it wasn't far to her destination, and having a boosted confidence, she walked swiftly up to the door of Wrecking Crew' chambers, opening the door and disappearing into the room.
Satisfied with what he had seen, C.K.W slithered out of one of the sailor's hammocks he had "borrowed". He walked off into the night triumphantly. He'd got exactly what he had came for.
* * *
It was late next morning before Wesforcia stirred. She lazily opened one eye as she swung gently in Wrecking Crew's hammock, which he had kindly let her borrow for the rest of the night. She was not sure why, but the old man's presence had been a great comfort to her. And as she fully opened her eyes, she wasn't surprised to see him gone. He was probably out working hard with the rest of the men. No matter, it was time for her to have an of so eventful day of doing absolutely nothing. Being a noble was such a bore at times. She almost fell out of the hammock, completely unused to such a common way of sleeping. After picking herself up off the floor, she took one of Wrecking Crew's old jackets, draping it loosely over her shoulders. After checking herself over in the broken mirror by Wreck's hammock, she walked out the door. Or she would have, if two large Spaimish royal guards weren't blocking her way.
"Step aside, that is an order." She demanded, but they did not move. "What is this? Are you deaf? I order you to move aside!"
"I apologize My lady, but we have been ordered not to let you leave this room." One of the guard's replied.
"On who's authority?" She asked, but she already knew the answer.
"Master C.K.W's." The soldier replied, and as he did, Wesforcia's blood boiled.
"That bastard!" She yelled. "Get him down here, NOW!"
She stormed back into her room, slamming the door on the two guards.
* * *
Meanwhile, Lpark stood on the deck of his ship. Well, he liked to think of it as his. And as soon as he had enough money to bump off that spoilt little brat of a noble, it would be his! All his! But for now, he stood at the fool's side. Looking out over the ocean. Sterio, the noble funding this little pirating venture, was beside him. Gold plated binoculars held at his eyes. He lowered them and nodded his head.
"It would seem they are coming." Sterio said gleefully.
"Just as I thought, I knew if we waited on their course long enough, they would run right into our arms." Lpark almost gloated.
He looked over his troops. Most of them were sailors and slaves from the levels below, armed with roughly cut swords, shovels, candle sticks and whatever else was available. But there were some of his personally trained best. He went over his strategy again. The plan was to board fast and strike hard, outnumbering the Spamish forces three to one. While the deck was overrun by chaos, Sterio, Nilsog and himself would sneak down into the lower levels and locate her majesty the Lady Wesforcia. When she was captured and the Spamish ship secure, they would sail away and later send a ransom to the royal family of Spaim. It was all so simple, so well planned. He even had a plan to take down the buffoon C.K.W. Only that fool sterio could undo this now, and Lpark had to admit, even he had quite a tactical mind at times.
"May I say something to the men." Sterio asked, pulling a piece of parchment from his jacket. "It's a little rousing speech I wrote, you know to get the men going."
Lpark just nodded. He was in a good mood, and it couldn't do much damage. Sterio stepped up in front of the men, clearing his throat.
"You know as well as I that some of you may not return. And while that is not good, know that if you do not return, I'm still jolly well proud of you! That's not to say I'm not proud of you if you don't return but, erm.. ah.." He paused rustling the piece of paper. "Anyway, I have picked some words to fit this occasion, so with no more adue, I present the famous words of the chanting Monk's Duranus, Duranus."
He cleared his throat again. Lpark covered his face with a hand, he would have poked an eye out with the three inch spikes around his wrists, had it not been glass anyway. Sterio continued.
"For the first time in weeks,
To drench your skin with the enemy's rosy stain.
A chance to find a princess in the flame,
A chance we may to die, but we can,
Dance into the fire!"
Sterio took his place next to Lpark, barely able to hold his emotion. Lpark just wished the floor would swallow him and the sea drain his life. He just wanted to die, or at least throttle the noble to death. Yes, that was actually preferable. But he knew better and simply said;
"That was beautiful sir. A fine choice of words." He himself walked in front of the make shift troops. They were confused, you couldn't work with confused men. He'd have to set them straight. "Men, it is true that we may die, but think of the prize! Think of what a random like this could bring for us! I'd estimate it would at least buy each and every one of us a nice big mansion in the uncharted America's. But first, you have to show your backbone, board that ship hard and fast" Catch them off their guard! Ensure our victory, fight to the last and never give in!"
The crowd erupted in cheers and yells. It was all too perfect, soon the princess would be onboard and then the money would just roll in. Lpark once again stood next to sterio as Nilsog arrived. He nodded to the large brute, who simply grunted. Lpark allowed himself to feel smug with himself, as the Spamish ship drew closer.
"It would appear they are throwing something overboard." Said sterio, the binoculars in his hands again.
"As long as the princess is on board, they could be throwing gold bars overboard for all I care." Lpark replied sourly. Sterio just shrugged.
"Jolly good luck out there!" He said to the men, as they prepared to board.
* * *
C.K.W was also feeling quite smug with himself. That is, he would be, if he actually felt emotion. He had just seen to that slimey Quarter Master Wrecking Crew, after catching him in bed with the princess! Well, technically. They must have gone at it quickly on the floor, as when C.K.W and his full armoured battalion had entered the room, he found the silly old coot lying on a chair in a stained string vest with his trousers undone and the Lady herself in his hammock wearing only a nightgown, her dressing gown discarded on the floor like a rag. It sickened C.K.W to the very bone, or it would have, to think that his fair lady had been betraying the sacred marriage vows she was about to take with that common trash. It made C.K.W want to scream about smashing faces, and when he got the ex-quarter master to the deck, he did.
He ordered his men to bind the traitors hands and legs, then tie him to the main sail for the night. In the morning they threw him overboard. C.K.W suspected he would just sink to the bottom, but he prayed to the Lord above that the sharks would at least have a nibble. But he was gone, and after he had ordered the lady to be locked up, as much as it pained him to do so, it was for her own good.
"Sir, Sir!" Yelled one of the guards as he approached. "I have a message from the Lady Wesforcia"
"I have no time for that cheap adulteress." He said, brushing the soldier off. That was when he noticed. "It's a bit dark around here for midday is it n... HOLY SH...!"
That was when C.K.W saw it. The Octopus of Questionable Virtue, the notorious pirate ship. C.K.W staring in blank disbelief, before grabbing the nearest crewman.
"YOU BOLLOCK!" He yelled. "YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT! I SMASH YOU!"
"But s-sir, we thought it was friendly!" The young crewman shook in his boots. CKW replied by stabbing him with his sabre.
But it was too late. The pirates were already boarding, hard and fast as Lpark had instructed. The warning bells were sounded, and every soldier available (except those guarding Wesforcia) were soon on deck. But as the endless mass of people kept coming, CKW knew he'd have to work hard to win this battle. So, he shouted and epic warcry;
"SMASH THIER FACE!"
* * *
Sterio, Lpark and Nilsog boarded the ship somewhat gracefully compared to the rest of the crew. Everything so far was going to plan, chaos had taken hold of the ship and battles were raging above and below deck. And the superior numbers of the Pirates were taking sway. But there was one worm that needed to be taken care off before the task at hand could be completed.
Lpark stepped onto the deck of the Spamish galleon. He stood like a rock in the tide. Pirates still clambering past him to get on board. But then, if he was a rock, sterio was a pebble and the massive form of Nilsog was a cliff. Lpark scanned the never ending amount of faces before him. But it didn't take long to find who he was after, mainly as his target was bus ranting "I SMASH YOU BOLLCK PUNK IN THE FACE!"
Lpark took his position, took a deep breath and yelled...
"Hey look behind you! There's a sexy female dragoness in Human form behind you showing her cleavage."
As the fool turned around, Nilsog, who had pushed the two fighting factions apart like they were nothing, took his position. He slammed his giant hands into the Spamyard's ears. Lpark, who had studied him especially for this raid, knew it to be his only weak spot. And his sources were correct. The Spamyard dropped to the floor like a seagull with an iron weight in it's mouth. Lpark had it on good authority that he'd be out for hours.
Lpark, satisfied the job was done, headed towards the lower deck. A rather smug Nilsog in front, making a path for his commanding officers and a rather shaken sterio behind.
* * *
You could have said Wesforcia was blissfully ignorant to the raging battles going on outside her little room. Although, she was anything but blissful. It was bad enough that C.K.W had ordered her to be locked up, but to ignore her as well! He'd pay for this, my goodness he'd pay!
She was just about to attempt to storm out again, when she heard the sounds of fighting outside. She heard one of the guards moan softly and slump to the floor. The sickening crack she heard she could only guess was the neck of the other man. The doorknob moved around, her heart started pounding like one of those new industrial machines.
The door opened, ever so slightly. These men, as she assumed they were, had obviously come against armed guards throughout the ship and were naturally cautious.
A man dressed in black entered first, a red glass eye fixed on the princess. He was followed by a large, brutish man and a rather sickly noble, who had turned a funny shade of pale green.
"It seems we have found our prize." The man in black said. "Greetings my lady, My name is Lpark. Don't struggle and all will be fine."
He snapped at the brute, who swept her off her feet and literally threw her over his shoulder. But she was in no position to complain. She was being kidnapped, she should be terrified out of her wits. But no, this was it. This wasn't an act of imprisonment, in taking her from this ship, they were freeing her from a life of captivity in France.
Wesforcia had no idea where she was going to go next. But she realised that fate had thrown her a wild card, and things could turn out for the best after all.