Artificial Idiot
06-07-2004, 04:54 PM
This is a short, WCIII/TFT fan fiction I wrote when I was bored. It was going to be something much larger, however I felt they'd be better in small, unrelated shorts, that I could pick up when and how I feel like it. Except to see at least a bit more of the anonymous Tinker and his workshop in the future ;)
"CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG*
A hammer rang in the heat and humidity of the Goblin factory. The bellows blazed in the background, casting a dim orange glow across the work bench. Pieces of battle field scrap (including half a steam tank) and timber littered the floor, surfaces and even, due to extreme magical exposure, the ceiling. Small, leather boots paced, at a gentle pace across the stone cobbles of the floor. Of course, this was an established Goblin factory, not just one of those cheap, timber things that Tinkers pull out of their pockets at a drop of a hat. Which unfortunately, often caught fire in the heat of the moment. Another clang ran though the factory as a small, iron hammer was placed, with little care, on an anvil. The boots then proceeded to pace to the other side of the working area, past a fully restored bastilla, and a black faced Goblin inspected his latest work.
"Hehaha!" He exclaimed in delight. "Perfect!"
The Goblin, admittedly shorter then most of his kin, admired his reflexion in the newly hammered metal. He rubbed it with a piece of polished rag, exposing his toothy grin to the metal before placing it back onto the work bench. He wiped his fore head, leaving a trail of green across it where the coal and ash rubbed off. He carefully picked out a device, made mostly of timber and metal. It looked much like a large hair dryer with a crank and a funnel at the top. The Goblin fumbled about in a near by box for a moment, and produced what seemed to be bolts. He placed the bolts into the funnel of his device, and proceeded to pick up the metal sheet under the other arm.
He hummed a merry tune as he strode across to yet another contraption. He leaned the sheet of metal up against a salvaged (piece by piece from the battle field) Ziggurat and whistled in an impressed tone as he admired his own work. He climbed onto the ramp of the machine, which felt cold and barren lacking it's paint job, and gave the top of it a quick polish. He then jumped down and picked up the schematics, checking them with his glorious machine. Perfect. Right down to the steam powered engine and the seat torn out of a steam tank. He ran back over to the other side, quivering in delight, and picked up the sheet of metal again. Slotting it into place at the front of the ramp, he levelled his strange tool and started to turn the crank.
*Aaa-Klunk* .... *Aaa-Klunck* .... *Aaa-Klunk*
He placed the tool at several different locations on the metal, each time turning the crank. A bolt was left, embedded in the metal, where he had been previously. When he was finished, he tested the new bindings for firmness, and then stood back to admire his handy work.
"Hehahahaha!" He chuckled merrily to himself. "Got it at last!"
"Got what?" The Goblin nearly jumped as he heard a voice behind him. He turned and saw another Goblin. Darker skinned, taller and much, much cleaner.
"Hehaha! Good, good! Your just in time!" Said the Tinker, a wide grin on his face as he started to fire the engine.
"In time for what?" The other goblin asked, looking under half a spell breaker shield curiously.
"A test!" The Tinker pulled a small mining cart up to the engine, and, with delicate precision take out a few black lumps. He eyed it greedily, as if it were gold, and then carefully placed it into the machine. "Steam power... marvellous isn't it?"
"Um... yeah..." Said the other Goblin, gazing up at the newly constructed machine in awe. "Erm... what does it do?"
"This? Heha! Why I'm glad you asked!" The Tinker yelled over the roaring of the steam engine. "Please, please. Take a seat!"
The other Goblin shrugged, and looked for a seat in the work shop. He went to pull up a stool, but the Tinker's frown made him think otherwise. Visibly shaking, he took the seat on the contraption the Tinker had just built. The engine shaking the very structure of the metal. There was the ever present feel that the bolts would come loose. There was little comfort to be found in the seat either, as mentioned it was ripped from a steam tank. And it had defiantly seen better days! Several springs were even poking from the tanned leather.
"Are you sitting comfortably?" The Tinker asked, the other Goblin just nodded. "Good! Good! Hehaha!"
The Tinker, with a swift, but powerful motion of his arm, swept several objects off his work bench.
*CLANG* *CRASH* *DIIING--DIIING-DING*
Scrolls, blue-prints, salvaged metal, cogs, gears, tools, small wooden chests of nails and even an orb of fire (which luckily, didn't break) all rolled, clattered, dropped, and in some cases were literally thrown to the floor, as the goblin unfolded his schematics and blue prints. He placed a cog on each corner of the paper, supposedly to hold it down, and then continued his explanation.
"You see, it's all quite simple. These..." He motioned towards the to pieces of leather nailed to the chair. "... May look like ordinary leather to you, and any other casual observer. However, I have, in a moment of pure genius, sewed springs, yes springs! Into the fabric it's self! Hehaha! Brilliant isn't it? You see, the steam engine is connected to a pulley, which then powers a series of cogs and gears, too complex for your understanding I assure you, pulls the seat backwards, as you should be feeling now, so that it sort of... expands this leather." The Tinker paused for a moment, then said as an aside. "Note to self, come up with correct terminology for this new technology."
"And then?" The other Goblin asked, both curious and terrified.
"You see, the chair gets pulled further and further backwards, until the leather can no longer take it." The Goblin paused, looking over the blue prints as if to double check something. "Until..."
"Until?"
"3-2-1" The Tinker mouthed.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!
"Until the mechanism holding the chair in place is released, propelling both the chair and subject up the purpose built ramp, and then ejecting the subject at a great height." The Tinker calmly regarded the other goblin, as he splattered against the wall with a sickening...
*CRUNCH*
The test subject slid to the floor, there was no blood, thankfully. It was a pain to clean up. With regards to the subject himself, he'd live. Just a few broken bones and possibly a fracture to his pride.
"Hehahahaha!" Laughed the Tinker merrily. "It works! But I can't get too excited. Got to have the outdoor testing, fortification testing, under enemy fire testing not to mention how well it throws high explosives! Nowhere near ready for battle field use yet." He paused and looked at the other goblin.
"Don't suppose you'd be up for another go?" The other Goblin just groaned. "Heha! Guess not."
The Tinker made a quick trip to the infirmary, to get the test subject out of his workshop more then anything, and then picked up his hammer once more, fired the bellows and got to work on the more decorative pieces for his new device.
"CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG*
A hammer rang in the heat and humidity of the Goblin factory. The bellows blazed in the background, casting a dim orange glow across the work bench. Pieces of battle field scrap (including half a steam tank) and timber littered the floor, surfaces and even, due to extreme magical exposure, the ceiling. Small, leather boots paced, at a gentle pace across the stone cobbles of the floor. Of course, this was an established Goblin factory, not just one of those cheap, timber things that Tinkers pull out of their pockets at a drop of a hat. Which unfortunately, often caught fire in the heat of the moment. Another clang ran though the factory as a small, iron hammer was placed, with little care, on an anvil. The boots then proceeded to pace to the other side of the working area, past a fully restored bastilla, and a black faced Goblin inspected his latest work.
"Hehaha!" He exclaimed in delight. "Perfect!"
The Goblin, admittedly shorter then most of his kin, admired his reflexion in the newly hammered metal. He rubbed it with a piece of polished rag, exposing his toothy grin to the metal before placing it back onto the work bench. He wiped his fore head, leaving a trail of green across it where the coal and ash rubbed off. He carefully picked out a device, made mostly of timber and metal. It looked much like a large hair dryer with a crank and a funnel at the top. The Goblin fumbled about in a near by box for a moment, and produced what seemed to be bolts. He placed the bolts into the funnel of his device, and proceeded to pick up the metal sheet under the other arm.
He hummed a merry tune as he strode across to yet another contraption. He leaned the sheet of metal up against a salvaged (piece by piece from the battle field) Ziggurat and whistled in an impressed tone as he admired his own work. He climbed onto the ramp of the machine, which felt cold and barren lacking it's paint job, and gave the top of it a quick polish. He then jumped down and picked up the schematics, checking them with his glorious machine. Perfect. Right down to the steam powered engine and the seat torn out of a steam tank. He ran back over to the other side, quivering in delight, and picked up the sheet of metal again. Slotting it into place at the front of the ramp, he levelled his strange tool and started to turn the crank.
*Aaa-Klunk* .... *Aaa-Klunck* .... *Aaa-Klunk*
He placed the tool at several different locations on the metal, each time turning the crank. A bolt was left, embedded in the metal, where he had been previously. When he was finished, he tested the new bindings for firmness, and then stood back to admire his handy work.
"Hehahahaha!" He chuckled merrily to himself. "Got it at last!"
"Got what?" The Goblin nearly jumped as he heard a voice behind him. He turned and saw another Goblin. Darker skinned, taller and much, much cleaner.
"Hehaha! Good, good! Your just in time!" Said the Tinker, a wide grin on his face as he started to fire the engine.
"In time for what?" The other goblin asked, looking under half a spell breaker shield curiously.
"A test!" The Tinker pulled a small mining cart up to the engine, and, with delicate precision take out a few black lumps. He eyed it greedily, as if it were gold, and then carefully placed it into the machine. "Steam power... marvellous isn't it?"
"Um... yeah..." Said the other Goblin, gazing up at the newly constructed machine in awe. "Erm... what does it do?"
"This? Heha! Why I'm glad you asked!" The Tinker yelled over the roaring of the steam engine. "Please, please. Take a seat!"
The other Goblin shrugged, and looked for a seat in the work shop. He went to pull up a stool, but the Tinker's frown made him think otherwise. Visibly shaking, he took the seat on the contraption the Tinker had just built. The engine shaking the very structure of the metal. There was the ever present feel that the bolts would come loose. There was little comfort to be found in the seat either, as mentioned it was ripped from a steam tank. And it had defiantly seen better days! Several springs were even poking from the tanned leather.
"Are you sitting comfortably?" The Tinker asked, the other Goblin just nodded. "Good! Good! Hehaha!"
The Tinker, with a swift, but powerful motion of his arm, swept several objects off his work bench.
*CLANG* *CRASH* *DIIING--DIIING-DING*
Scrolls, blue-prints, salvaged metal, cogs, gears, tools, small wooden chests of nails and even an orb of fire (which luckily, didn't break) all rolled, clattered, dropped, and in some cases were literally thrown to the floor, as the goblin unfolded his schematics and blue prints. He placed a cog on each corner of the paper, supposedly to hold it down, and then continued his explanation.
"You see, it's all quite simple. These..." He motioned towards the to pieces of leather nailed to the chair. "... May look like ordinary leather to you, and any other casual observer. However, I have, in a moment of pure genius, sewed springs, yes springs! Into the fabric it's self! Hehaha! Brilliant isn't it? You see, the steam engine is connected to a pulley, which then powers a series of cogs and gears, too complex for your understanding I assure you, pulls the seat backwards, as you should be feeling now, so that it sort of... expands this leather." The Tinker paused for a moment, then said as an aside. "Note to self, come up with correct terminology for this new technology."
"And then?" The other Goblin asked, both curious and terrified.
"You see, the chair gets pulled further and further backwards, until the leather can no longer take it." The Goblin paused, looking over the blue prints as if to double check something. "Until..."
"Until?"
"3-2-1" The Tinker mouthed.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!
"Until the mechanism holding the chair in place is released, propelling both the chair and subject up the purpose built ramp, and then ejecting the subject at a great height." The Tinker calmly regarded the other goblin, as he splattered against the wall with a sickening...
*CRUNCH*
The test subject slid to the floor, there was no blood, thankfully. It was a pain to clean up. With regards to the subject himself, he'd live. Just a few broken bones and possibly a fracture to his pride.
"Hehahahaha!" Laughed the Tinker merrily. "It works! But I can't get too excited. Got to have the outdoor testing, fortification testing, under enemy fire testing not to mention how well it throws high explosives! Nowhere near ready for battle field use yet." He paused and looked at the other goblin.
"Don't suppose you'd be up for another go?" The other Goblin just groaned. "Heha! Guess not."
The Tinker made a quick trip to the infirmary, to get the test subject out of his workshop more then anything, and then picked up his hammer once more, fired the bellows and got to work on the more decorative pieces for his new device.