A World of my Own

[Desolator12]

Here's a poem I wrote in like 10 minutes...

A world of my own



Just a flying sphere

In the orbits of space

And it is right here

Where I make my own place



Where I choose what I do

Where I choose what I feel

Where there are none who rue

Where there are none who steal



A place of my creation

A land of my mind

Somewhere between meditation

Somewhere not far behind



This place everyone can go to

This place of my design

Where there are things to say and do

Where there are those who are kind



There are those who want in it

In that place they want to be

I shall give them a hint

Imagination is the key.

[Blue Aurora]

Though done in ten minutes, its a good poem. Keep it up! :D

[Desolator12]

thanks... I reallly couldn't find a good rhyme for that last stanza... but it seemed alright if you read it hin-it.... even though that just sounds wierd :p

keep the help and praise and worship comin :p

[Desolator12]

sorry for the dreaded double post...
-=BUMP=-

I value your ideas on this... how the frag am I supposed to improve if I get no criticism (or a lack of, hopefully :p)?

[VO]

That's nice deso, the only thing I can seriously say towards it is that maybe the rhymes seem a little forced.

Also, the very last line seems a little cliche. Apart from that, it's good. :color3:

[Riff]

Hehe, not bad man.

Continue to do a good job.